Hello Internet! I’m in London. I know I last posted about hovering over a seatless toilet on a Balkan train, and I’m sorry to have left you with that image for so long.
I thought London would be a great place to be, for awhile. I’m staying with my friend Dave, who I met in Sarajevo; Dave offered to house me until I could find a job and another place to live, and staying here has been great. I have found a job, in a pub, which is nice!
London, though, is not quite fitting me. Many, many people love this city, and there’s no doubt that it’s fantastic. In London you will never run out of things to see or do, everything you can imagine is here.
It turns out that’s not what’s important to me.
What is important to me is living in an accessible place, where I can walk to work, where I don’t need to take transit for at least an hour to get anywhere, where I can meet my friends for drinks and not worry that I’ll never find my way back home if I’ve had a few too many. What’s important is feeling at home somewhere, even though it isn’t home.
I’m happy to travel anywhere, and experience anything, but when it comes to where I live, I need to be more picky. I think you all see where this is going.
I’m aching to go back to Edinburgh.
The first time I stepped off the bus from the airport in downtown Edinburgh, and looked up to see an ancient castle growing out of a dormant volcano, I knew I was in the right place. In London, well, most days I just feel like the weight of it might crush me.
I worry that fleeing back to Scotland might be giving up. Maybe I just need more time to get used to London; maybe once I know my way around a bit better it’ll be less overwhelming. But also, I have only five months left on my UK visa: would I rather spend that time trying to force myself to like it here, or living somewhere that I know I love? Yes, there’s places in the UK other than London and Edinburgh, but money-wise it doesn’t make sense for me to try and set up somewhere new on my own just now.
I’ve been struggling with this question, Internet. Please weigh in.